Letter to My 18 Year Old Self

Dear 18-Year-Old-Self,

As I see you all alone crying in the dark, thinking that by sobbing into a pillow it would hide the desperate cries for help. People hear you, you cannot hide. I am just being honest, you know how I am… I thought that you may need some advice right now while you feel so lonely and devastated. You can trust me, after all… I am you 10 years later!

Just think, sometimes you are facing difficulties not because you are doing anything wrong, honey. It could simply mean that life is life. Sometimes in life lessons are learned through hard times, but other times life is tough. I don’t have the best explanation for why this is, but life just isn’t fair. Sometimes the best thing to do is accept it for what it is, cry a minute, put your big girl panties on, and roll on in life. I heard a quote the other day that spoke to me, I hope it motivates you: “Unless you puke, faint, or die, KEEP GOING.” –Jullian Moore.

You are stronger than you feel at this time. Feelings are valid, but will pass. Cry your heart out, and even with tears in your eyes go out into the world and conquer your classes and job. You got this, you know you do.

Oh, and that man that broke your heart? You know the one I am talking about, the “one you loved so much?” As your 30-year-old self I will go ahead and tell you that he will be a memory that fades into oblivion. You may think it was “love,” but that word is a second-hand emotion these days. You will have learned how to protect your heart by him, and never be taken advantage of again. But, do not ever allow this man to put a scar on your heart that will prevent true love from coming in your life. You will know love when you find it. Never settle for less than what you deserve.

Let us talk about shoes and clothes. Who cares what is trendy? Create your own trends, or better yet, go to Goodwill and save some money. While we are on the topic, that little weight you gained? Who cares? Just like gravity, what goes up will come down. Don’t worry about that second piece of chocolate cake. You are so beautiful, and you will see that when looking back at your pictures. Have fun girl!

Let me get straight to the most important advice I could give you ten years later in life. You are in college. You are in the time of your life where your ideas, thoughts, ideology, and emotions are transforming. Soak it in! In order to be happy in life, stand for something. Every being on this earth has the liberty to publish their ideas. Make them count, make them matter. Leave a legacy, and start now.

Last thing: surround yourself with all kinds of people. However, as businessman Richard Tirendi says: “If you’re the smartest one in the room, you’re in the wrong room.” There is always room for growth and learning from those who are intellectual, truthful, and have more disciplined minds than yourself. Meet and network with as many wise people as you can. Trust me, as yourself ten years later you will be glad to have gained the bits and pieces of wisdom you have acquired.

Girl, cry in your pillow tonight. But when you awake tomorrow, look at the beauty around you. God created each tree, flower, and the beautiful sunrise so that you could enjoy His Creation. Soak it in, and no matter what happens grit your teeth and keep succeeding. You got this!

There is No Hiding From the Monster’s Under Your Bed.

““Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win” -Steven King

As a child, I remember checking under my bed and in my closet for monsters before I could go to sleep. In my mind, Boogie Monsters were real and out to get me. Then I grew up, and I have never had a monster, goblin, or ghost attack me. But the lack of a monster’s physical attack in life does not mean they do not exist in the way we are told as children.

As Steven King says, monsters ARE real, but not in the physical realm. They attack our thoughts on a daily basis.

They tell us things like, “You are not good enough.” or “You are a failure.” These monsters inside of our head exist solely to bring us down. To attack us. To defeat us. It is time to pick up the sword and fight these monsters, keep them from ruining our lives.

But how does one fight the monsters in our head?

1. Prayer. God is on your side. Or for those who do not worship a god: meditation.
2. Fill your head with positive thoughts. Make no room for negative thoughts.
3. Take a walk and enjoy nature. Breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the beautiful creations around you.
4. Read a book.
5. Take a long, soaking bath (candles, bubbles, go all out) and release the stress.
6. Fill your life with positive people: people that bring you up. People that see your inner beauty and encourage you.

For me? This verse in the Bible helps:

2 Corinthians 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Is The Idiom “The Sky’s the Limit.” Actually A Limitation in Itself?

Definition of “The Sky’s the Limit”: the potential is limitless. Just as the sky seems neverending and infinite, this phrase basically means that there is no limit. This is often used to define a person’s potential, meaning he can achieve anything he sets his mind to.

Let us face it, this cliche is great and all when trying to encourage someone to “be all that you can be” or “you can do anything that you set your mind to”. This idiom is in songs lyrics, has been quoted by so many people. 

I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU

The idiom is dead. It is fallacious. You see, humans have proven that we can reach beyond the sky. Brilliant scientists and engineers in NASA have created ways to blast through the sky and explore the infinite galaxy.

With that said, we humans have set limits on what we can do by even saying that there are limits. The galaxies beyond this earth are unexplored, and infinite to the point that is unfathomable to human understanding.

I say “The term “limit” should not exist in my vocabulary.” The term is empty to me. But to others, there are limitations, yet they exist not on this earth.

They are not tangible.

They exist solely in one’s mind and attitudes. It is fear, self-doubt, and negative thoughts that paralyze people from blasting beyond the limitations they have set for themselves. It is self- sabotage.

So how does one blast beyond the limits they have set in their own minds? There is a process.

1. Failure: Failure is a sign that whatever a person is doing, just ain’t working.
2. Embrace: failure as an opportunity  to spur yourself into analysis, thoughts, and plans that will bring you out of this failure.
3. Beware: indecision. This will paralyze you into inaction.
4. Accept: that often times, this failure is a sign that redirection in life is needed.
5. Take action: to try different directions despite the temporary discomfort in life. It takes sacrifice, determination, and goals in order to take a different direction.
6. Do NOT Accept: the status quo. The societal acceptance that failure is an allowance to wallow in self-defeat.
7. Create Your Own Destiny: with your own experiences, skills, talents, and connections determine the course that is right for your life.

Once you have decided to be different, to disregard what others do to try and limit you to. Decide to take advice from wise people into consideration, yet with healthy skepticism consider what is best for YOUR life, and create your own original solutions. That is true entrepreneurialism.

Although many things have inspired my recent thoughts and analysis on success, finding one’s destiny, willpower, and motivation, there is a book I have been reading I highly recommend to everyone by Napoleon Hill. The book had been hidden since 1938, as it was highly controversial at the time, but has since been released!

A must read… That is if you are prepared for inspiration and change in your life.

http://www.outwittingthedevil.com/

How I Learned to Stop Being A Control Freak in My Life

So, in my blogs I often write advice about the various ways I have learned to cope with life. Before I began my “Sharpening the Sword” blog, I had a blog on tumblr under the name: stumblingthroughlife.

You see, I am no “Life-Guru” or “Dear Abby”. I am merely writing what I have learned as I’ve stumbled, fallen, had my heart broken, been afraid, and yet through it all triumphed at the end. Many people ask “Well what if you go through YEARS or DECADES of one disaster or another? How can anyone handle that?”

Well, without telling my whole life story (that may be a book… one day), allow me to simply share that I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH OVER A DECADE OF HELL AND BACK.

You see, through every obstacle, loss, grief, I have found the strength through God to carry on. Many times I am so weak He has to carry me himself. I am in one of those spots as I type.

I have fought with my thoughts, read every authoritative book and blog, prayed, read the Bible. But there is rare a person who ever knows anything about what I am going through. You see, I am an introvert. I like to carefully analyze and strategize every thought, motive, and move I make. But I can be very extroverted as well.

Through this latest turn of events, when I didn’t think life could get any worse. It did. But after struggling through every possible emotion possible, not being able to eat, sleeping for days. I am ok now.

Through this, I learned that in an area of my life, I thought I was following God’s plan for my life. It seemed right. But yet according to the Bible it was not. You see, God doesn’t ever outright speak to me (I do not hear voices…. in my head or otherwise). But He whispers… He speaks through life events, through triumphs, through other people, through Scripture. But you must be in tune with Him to hear it.

I have always prided myself in being a strong, independent woman. A planner. In control. But God allowed me to fall smack on my face before I gave up that control. And I have 100%. Because I have found that through life, I can make the best made, carefully thought through plans…. sometimes they are brilliant and I reach my goals. Other times they were MY plans, and God has put my stubborn self back in my place.

I need that at times… as I stumble through life. When I was agnostic, I always bashed believers in higher powers as “intellectually and emotionally weak people who had to make up some higher being they just were not as strong as people like me…. agnostic.’ But THAT lifestyle never worked for me. I logically began to apply the principles of the Bible to my life… still not 100% sure about this “Jesus” thing…

But after applying it to my life, and seeing the evidence, I realize I DO need a Father, a Husband, an Almighty, someone who is greater than myself to pick me up and carry me through my ups and downs in life. I cannot do it on my own, nor do I want to.

That is that. And life is life. And I am excited about what is yet to come!

The Paradox of Life

I’ve noticed in life that everything I have that I consider of worth has been through either hard work, or pain. Nothing I consider worthy is handed on a silver platter. You see, one must experience immense suffering before experiencing TRUE JOY!!!

But why? Should life not be easy, joyful, and carefree?

Yes! It should. However, if one does not experience the extreme opposite: the hurt, the pain, the grief, then the joy never seems so good. You see, life is filled with ups and downs. Struggles and pains. There is not a soul who exists on this planet who has not experienced this. If so? Let me meet this person.

We cannot truly appreciate the joys and happiness that is such a blessing unless we have experienced the opposite. It is a paradox of life. To love? Is to have been hurt. To be happy? Is to have been sad. To succeed? One must fail.

Life is a paradox that no one will ever fully understand. But know this: If you are in darkness, there will be light. In suffering? There will be healing. There are seasons of life that are ever changing: sometimes for the “bad” and sometimes for joy.

But it is up to you to decide whether or not to allow the seasons of “bad” to destroy you…. or make you.

Keep it Real…. Just Be Yourself!

Why is it so hard for people to be authentic? Why does everyone have to wear a mask? Why do people find it necessary to compare ourselves to others, get plastic surgery, and waste money and energy in order to fit in? 

 

Our culture claims to teach individuality. When you’re young, you are told you can be anything when you grow up. They implant false beliefs that set up young children for failure. Reality? Not everyone is destined to be President, a doctor, a lawyer, a singer, etc. Then one day, these children get smacked in the face with the “Real World.”

Being authentic means you’re being real, genuine, not fake. It means being honest and open. It means not putting on a show or a masquerade. Don’t conform to the trends and social norms around you. Be a leader of the social and business circles you are a part of. Don’t compromise your morals for acceptance.

Not everyone will like you for not just going with the flow, but many people will respect you for it. Trying to be someone else rarely gets you very far. I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

But how does one do it?

1. You have to look at your past decisions, where you had the chance to be yourself but chose to be someone different. This can be disheartening for some. We’ve all screwed up, but that doesn’t mean you are destined to make bad decisions. Take those experiences and decide to make change.

2. Don’t listed to bitter, negative people who only put you down. There’s always going to be that person that has past issues, and take out their pain on others by criticizing or putting people down. Being authentic means not listening to these people. Know yourself and where you heart is and be confident in that. But never stoop to their level and retaliate.

3. Don’t regret your past. It is ok to look at your mistakes and learn from them, but don’t dwell in them. Make active decisions and move forward in your life. Don’t just SAY or THINK about doing these things…. Words and intentions mean nothing.

Being yourself is risky. Many people may not understand you, but it is well worth the risk. Through being genuine and real, you can find a way to pursue the life and work God has called you to do. I think it’s important for us to know who we really are. We know need to know the true state of our hearts. We need to know our limitations as human beings. It is your choice and responsibility to create the life you want to live.

Personally, I consider it my failure if I don’t live up to my potential, using the gifts that God has blessed me with. Do I struggle to be clear on what that potential is? Sure! Am I sometimes confused about the road I should be on?  Every day! But I don’t let that stop me. I stay focused on what my inner guidance system is telling me about the road I should be on. And each day I do the most important thing to keep me moving down that road.

Has this clarity and focus taken me some time to figure out? You bet! And along the way I have sought the advice and knowledge of coaches and other experts to help guide and keep me on track. And LOTS of failure.

Because at the end of the day we are all walking a similar path through life. The country where we live may differ. The language we speak may differ. And the color of our skin or the clothes we wear may differ. We are struggling to conform to what is normal. To not stand out. To blend in.

I say: “Screw that!”

There is absolutely no need for you to accept another’s version of you and your life unless you choose to stand there with them and take it on. If you know who you are, there’s no need to try and convince another person who you are and what you stand for. If they don’t get it and don’t want to, it really is none of your business.

KEEP IT REAL AND SUCCESS WILL FOLLOW. DON’T BE FAKE. JUST BE YOU!

Pick up a sword and slay the dragons in your life!!!

 “We’re our own as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.” - Tom Robbins        

A small child looks at the people in their lives, and relies on those people to help them with their needs. They do not have the ability to meet their own needs. They rely on their parents or other adults in their lives to attend to their needs, and lift them out of bad situations. But as a child grows up, they slowly learn how to take responsibility for their own lives. They learn to take action, and prepare themselves for the real world. It is the growing process to prepare for the real world.

The problem is when adults spend a lot of time waiting for others to rescue them from situations they do not like. There is nothing wrong with asking for help and advice, but an adult cannot expect anyone to rescue them. Everyone needs help at some time in their lives, but if one becomes reliant on others to continue to rescue them in every situation, the person will never grow up and accept responsibility for their own actions. Nothing is handed on a silver platter. It is time to grow up and take action in our own lives; to give up destructive plans.

So how does one do this?

REALIZE: we always have the power to rescue ourselves. We are put in situations where we are faced with important decisions about the direction we want to make in our lives.

UNDERSTAND: NO ONE IS COMING TO RESCUE YOU. Stop waiting, your are an adult now. Waiting for a problem to solve itself only makes the problem worse, waiting for someone to swoop in and solve the problems you have simply won’t work. It is up to you to create your own destiny, relying on others can lead you down the wrong path. Seek advice from many people, but create your own plan according to what God has planned in your life.

TAKE ACTION: in moments of despair and “hitting the bottom” there comes a point in life where a person becomes fed up with their lifestyle. Then, the “Aha! Eureka!” moment arrives: YOU CAN RESCUE YOURSELF. This takes some steps:

1. Recognize Your Own Power – By recognizing that you are the only one who can solve your problems (asking for advice is encouraged, and will help you find your original solution). You are giving away your personal power when you sit on your butt waiting for someone your “Rescuer”. You can handle anything that comes your way.
2. Use Courage - Taking action when faced with barriers, demons, etc takes COURAGE!. But that fear is ok. The purpose of those “dragons”  is to test us in ways that bring out the best in us. It makes us strong. You ARE prepared to the dragon; do not fear the dragon, fear what will happen if you don’t face the dragon.
3. Have Faith – Sometimes you will have little else.  When you are standing upon a ledge and it’s a long way down, sometimes the best thing to do is to jump.  You may be surprised at how soft your landing is. Have faith in whatever god you serve (I know the God I serve) that He will guide you as you pick the pieces of your life up, and glue them back together. He will help you sort the puzzle pieces to lead you to His plan for your life: His beautiful masterpiece.
4. Trust Yourself – You know best how to get to where you want to be.  You just have to figure out where that is.  The rest tends to unfold after that.

The next time that you find yourself hoping to be rescued, remember:

YOU ARE A HERO!